A brief history of (my) time

Apologies, Stephen Hawking!

I came across this picture last week, when I was idling on Facebook -

Damn!

The news article was headlined - "Eminem's Daughter Hailie Jade Scott Mathers, 19, Is Seriously Gorgeous", and I read it agape ; not because she's gorgeous (duh), but because it felt like I'd listened to "My Dad's Gone Crazy" from a CD(Compact Disc), I had ripped using my CD writer, on my Windows XP desktop, only yesterday.

I got a further jolt, when I realized that 2002, the year "The Eminem Show" released, was 13 years ago.

Where did the last 13 years go away? 90's kids can probably relate to this.

It's unbelievable, the pace at which the last few years have flown by. I remember being envious of the X and XII graders when I was in IV, wishing I'd grow up soon and go to college. How silly of me.

A mini flashback movie played in my head, visiting the various high and low points, the joys and sorrows I experienced as I transitioned from high school to undergrad, to work, to grad school. 

Somewhere in between, I lost track of time.

Without realizing it, I was in the rat race like most others - frantically pursuing short and long term goals, to an extent that there was a role reversal - I wasn't happy pursuing my goals, I was pursuing my goals to be happy. When that happens, you cease to appreciate the journey, and are fixated on the outcome. And regardless of whether the outcome is in your favor or not, the satisfaction ebbs quickly. 

Yes, rat pics form the centerpiece of this post.

I can give a programming analogy here - one of the stark differences between university projects and real world ones, is, while you are usually fixated on the outcome in the former, you place a lot more importance to the way your code is strucutred and optimized, in the latter.  

This is essentially what the Bhagavad Gita emphasises as well :

karmany evadhikaras te 

ma phalesu kadacana 

ma karma-phala-hetur bhur 

ma te sango 'stv akarmani (2:47)

which translates to - "You certainly have the right for prescribed activities but never at anytime in their results. You should never be motivated by the results of the actions, nor should there be any attachment in not doing your prescribed activites."

For the past couple of years, I have been acutely aware of this in the back of my mind. I have been trying to head in the direction which my heart wants me to, and focus more on my passions. In many ways, the picture of Hailie Jade has made me come to a full stop. Grappling with the reality of time moving at an alarming rate, and the anxiousness which accompanies it, when I realize the amount of things I want to do and the time I've already let slip, jolts me. 

Sure, I've had some unique and influencing experiences along the way, but they have stopped short of being an inspiration/life lesson, and not led me into any action.

The possibility that I look back on these years when I'm 50, and rue that I lived a routine life, scares me. So far, I've done my duty in fitting "the great Indian stereotype" to a T:

High school-->Engineering--> IT company --> Masters in USA --> Job --> (Present)

Character and quote appearing in this meme is fictitious. Any resemblance to author of the blog is purely coincidental.

It's time I focussed on what I really like, and give more time to explore my passions instead of pushing them under the rug for a "later time".

A masters degree was a step in that direction. Working in the field of software security is another. Finally, I was doing things which I really liked, of my own volition. It is always satisfying to enjoy what you do in an academic and professional environment. But that is only one sphere. My ever expanding and varied interests range from photography to world history. I have been digging deeper into what being a Hindu really means, what Sanatana Dharma is all about. I want to learn a new language. Play the guitar. Travel across the world to watch tennis. Read tons of books.Visit as many temples as I can....

"Smart Iyer Boy" jokes aside, there is also the innate sense of patriotism, which has increased since I came to the US, along with my heightened belief in India's future as a world leader, since the change in government at the center. "I should do something for my country", is a thought which often strikes me nowadays. I have some faint ideas, and I hope they'll take shape in the coming years. 

The amount of content to be consumed online, is, I feel, a hindrance to creativity and devoting time for ourselves. It could be argued that no one is forced to go through Facebook, Twitter or Quora, but we are all aware of the drawing power of social networks. It also results in a tendency to publicize accomplishments than actual involvement in productive work. Again, not to suggest every moment should be spent on doing something productive, but you get the picture.

Where does this all leave me? I'm glad I've been able to put into words what I felt, it has already given me belief that all is not lost, and I can still achieve what I intend to. Sachin Tendulkar may no longer be playing for India, and Superstar movies may no longer run for 100 days (*sob sob*) but luckily, I feel my time is now, and not beyond me.

Time management, and saying NO to distractions are crucial, if I want to make any progress. I will make an attempt at being good at many things, while maintaining a rational approach, as not all whims can be pursued. And enjoy what I do. 

But most importantly, I should be ready to come out of my comfort zone. I've had a very "safe" and almost "risk-free" life so far. Whenever there was a choice between taking a risk and trodding down the beaten path, I've chosen the latter 99% of the time. That has to change. Pushing myself beyond that barrier is going to be the biggest and most exciting challenge. 

Robert Frost articulates it perfectly in the poem - "The Road Not Taken" :

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I will be 25 this June (*jolts again*). After a routine starter, I am ready for a lipsmacking main course, in the meal, that is my life.

Let's do this!

Cheers!

~abhi~